There are a couple super important things to remember when it comes to a college football writer covering the NFL Draft. First off, I’ve accurately assessed all of your favorite NFL teams weaknesses and needs. I spent a good 45 minutes looking over depth charts, salary caps, and off-season acquisitions. Secondly, due to my hard work this is the most perfect NFL Mock Draft on the internet.

I present my 1st round picks!

1. Browns – QB Sam Darnold, USC

2. Giants – RB Saquon Barkley, Penn State

3. Jets (from Colts) – QB Josh Rosen, UCLA

4. Browns (from Texans) – S Derwin James, Florida State

5. Broncos – QB Josh Allen, Wyoming *Traded to Bills*

6. Colts (from Jets) – LB Roquan Smith, Georgia

7. Buccaneers – OG Quenton Nelson, Notre Dame

8. Bears – DE Bradley Chubb, NC State

9. 49ers – DE Harold Landry, Boston College

10. Raiders – CB Josh Jackson, Iowa

11. Dolphins – QB Baker Mayfield, Oklahoma

12. Bills (from Bengals) – CB Minkah Fitzpatrick, Alabama *Broncos selection from Bills*

13. Redskins – DT Maurice Hurst, Michigan

14. Packers – CB Denzel Ward, Ohio State

15. Cardinals – OT Connor Williams, Texas

16. Ravens – WR Calvin Ridley, Alabama

17. Chargers – OT Mike McGlinchey, Notre Dame

18. Seahawks – CB Donte Jackson, LSU

19. Cowboys – DT Vita Vea, Washington

20. Lions – DE Arden Key, LSU

21. Bengals (from Bills) – OG Isaiah Wynn, Georgia

22. Bills (from Chiefs) – WR James Washington, Oklahoma State

23. Patriots (from Rams) – LB Tremaine Edmunds, Virginia Tech

24. Panthers – WR Courtland Sutton, SMU

25. Titans – LB Rashaan Evans, Alabama

26. Falcons – DT Da’Ron Payne, Alabama

27. Saints – DE Marcus Davenport, UTSA

28. Steelers – S Ronnie Harrison, Alabama

29. Jaguars – OT Jamarco Jones, Ohio State

30. Vikings – OT Tyrell Crosby, Oregon

31. Patriots – CB Isaiah Oliver, Colorado

32. Eagles – RB Derrius Guice, LSU

I went with what I’d perceive to be a little chalk-y with the first few picks, assuming the Browns really don’t mess things up too badly and do something hilariously stupid.

I only went with one trade (didn’t want to make this too silly) and I’ve been inundated with so much Bills coverage about a quarterback that they have to be making another move up the draft to get someone. I thought the Broncos would be a good trading partner as Denver’s needs could be met anywhere in the middle of the first round. The Bills signed A.J. McCarron during the off-season for a 2-year deal worth $10 million total on the cap–he’s clearly a stop-gap for a younger quarterback and the team hasn’t been this well positioned with assets to move up for a signal-caller in a while.

I have The Glinch a little higher than most but whatever. The Chargers seem to love Notre Dame players.

Nelson to the Bucs would make him the highest guard ever drafted out of Notre Dame and tied for the 3rd highest drafted guard ever in my lifetime.

This isn’t Alabama-heavy at the top but I still have 5 Crimson Tide selections going in the first round. That would give Nick Saban an eye-popping 27 picks in the first round since he started coaching at Alabama. To put that in perspective, you have to go back to the 1978 NFL Draft to get 27 selections in the first round for Notre Dame players.

I am all-in on a Jewish superstar in New York and would wager Rosen is the best quarterback in this draft.

Josh Allen checks nearly every box as a huge bust. It’s like he was specially built in a lab to be the most overrated quarterback in this draft. A quarterback from Wyoming just threw for 1,812 yards with the 73rd best passer rating in college football (14 spots higher than Wimbush) and might go No. 1 overall. It’s 2018 and we’re still handing multi-million dollar contracts to guys because they’re tall, white, and can throw hard.